He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
