Cold hands, warm shart.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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