I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
