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i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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