The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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