well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
