i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
