3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Found the puke drawer
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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