i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
