i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
