the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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