I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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