Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
