I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
