I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
