I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
