all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
