If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My apartment stinks of burning failure
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
