When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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