He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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