WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
