who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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