I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
