Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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