You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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