Can i not drive my cunt home
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
