I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
