Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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