My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
