I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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