Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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