her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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