I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
