Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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