And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
