I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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