the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
