i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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