Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
false alarm. still invincible.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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