Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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