I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
