I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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