I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
