Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
