were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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