Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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