stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
