I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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