your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
