wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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