I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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