I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
